A Look Back

[moonshayde]

I spent the night going through some of my old posts here on LJ.

I have learned the following:

1. I used to post a lot more.
2. I was in denial about loving Supernatural and being disappointed in Smallville and SG-1 for a long time.
3. I complained and whined about how bad my life was too much.

Other things popped out at me, but these are the ones that stood out from what I looked at.

I'd like to post more often. Life is still hard, and I've had a rotten past 6 months, but I don't feel as melodramatic as I used to be. I still have my moments, but I think it's because I tend to post when I am having an especially bad day.

The second point really interests me though. Aside from being a contrary person who is beyond stubborn, when I look back at my fannish stuff and how I was always apologizing or rationalizing or making up excuses why or why not I watched something, I realize that I was so afraid of people unfriending me or worried about what people though (and afraid of change) that I couldn't let go. I was obviously not happy with SG-1 any more, but I kept with it. I was obviously trying to argue that that Smallville was good, when it was hit or miss. I was obviously loving Supernatural, but didn't want to move onto a new show.

I find it interesting. I obviously won't be making that mistake again. This is MY space.

Six years have passed and I'm still with a fantastic show. I need to post more often. No excuses ;)

Comments

[autumndandelion.livejournal.com]

I think a LOT of us were in denial that SG-1 wasn't so great anymore. It was so good for so long, but the last couple seasons were pretty clunky.

[moonshayde.livejournal.com]

I had put so much time and effort into that show and fandom. I didn't want to admit the last seasons really weren't all that good, heh.

[meg-tdj.livejournal.com]

Other things popped out at me...

Like how awesome I am? :D

I obviously won't be making that mistake again. This is MY space.

YES. Use it wisely and squeefully, that's my motto. :)

[moonshayde.livejournal.com]

I need a squee day. A SQUEE DAY.

You know, I read many many posts that night and I don't recall anything referring to your awesomeness...

[meg-tdj.livejournal.com]

Then let's have one! :D

That's funny, because I remember at least half a dozen...

*ETA: OHMIGOSH YOUR SIDEBAR!!! *dies of ani-joy*

[moonshayde.livejournal.com]

My Sidebar is full of so much SPN goodness it just might self destruct.

We still need a squee day.

[foxy11814.livejournal.com]

Exactly! This is your space! Write what you want and don't worry about what we think, but I have a sneaking suspicion most of your friends would be very accepting anyway, and if not, you don't want them on your friend list anyway.

As for Smallville, it was hit or miss. I wouldn't have argued with you there. The early years were so much better!

[moonshayde.livejournal.com]

I defended Smallville for sooooo looong. Then one day I realized just how hit or miss it was and it made watching much easier :)

[novembersguest.livejournal.com]

I don't even want to think about going through my old posts. Of late, they all seem to be complaining posts. Like you, I think I tend to only post when things get so bad or that particular day is so tough that I have to put it somewhere. LJ is the only place I'm guaranteed that real life people won't read and I really don't want real life people seeing how I really feel. I don't want their gazes on me. So, yeah, I totally get that.

I keep telling myself I'll post more often (and I have this month), but I think most of my flist has flown the coop. Too much emo and not enough fandom I guess. *shrugs*

Anyway, your post got me to thinking too and I think it's always good to remind yourself that this is your journal for your thoughts--even if it ends up empty like mine, you should stay true to you. :)

[moonshayde.livejournal.com]

This used to be my squee place. I'd come here and go on and on about my favorite shows. I'd get into discussions and have such a great time. I was really into it for a while with shows like Smallville, SG-1, and Supernatural (to a certain extent).

Life is hectic and many things have changed. I got so jaded over fandom wars that I stopped. I stopped posting or squeeing much. And the negativity people kept bringing to my LJ was too much.

it is a bit depressing knowing that so many people who you used to talk with have moved on or no longer have the same interests as you. I'm trying to remember that even if everyone has gone, it's okay to keep posting about what makes me happy :)

Make sure you do what is best for you, too!

[aurora-novarum.livejournal.com]

I think I'm still in denial about SG-1...when I think about it. Although I think some of that was because while SG-1 was old to me, fandom was brand new around season 9 so it was a rediscovery and it makes me feel more shiny about it than maybe I otherwise would.

And I got to meet cool people like you! And yay, your space. You should talk all you want to and squee and cry and have popcorn and pillow forts!

Yay you on just being you.

[moonshayde.livejournal.com]

I might knock SG-1 a lot these days, but it's due to sheer frustration. It's so hard when you invest so much time and energy into a show, only to have it so so many times disappoint and not reach its potential.

I joined fandom during Season 7. I missed a whole slew of the drama. I loved it. It came at a perfect time of my life - I was going to get my MA in anthropology - and it was filled with so many things I love: history/ancient cultures, buddyness, team/family, humor, angst, and adventure. How could I not love it? I zipped through the old seasons.

I kept waiting for the final big payoff and it just never really happened. RDA stopped being interested and it showed in his performances. MS didn't have the same passion for his role once he returned. AT wasn't bad. CJ stayed fairly consistent. The writing got sloppy and there was so so so much more tell than show.

When I have to, as a viewer, rationalize things, make excuses, and come up with scenarios in my head to fit the massive plot holes left behind, it's time to acknowledge the show failed (for me).

All shows that age start to show cracks. X-Files did. Supernatural has some cracks now. Smallville has leaping chasms. But what helps a show make it through the aging process is the strength of their actors, writing, and the willingness to keep going to make the bets product possible.

Shows that have that commitment don't show their age as much as shows that shows that lack that commitment. Most of the people on Smallville, for example, just didn't care. It showed. It often showed on SG-1, too.

It's not the fault of Ben Browder or Claudia Black or anyone in particular. I will never ever like Vala, but my problem is a combination of many issues the show had in its ending seasons, not just one character.

I should have had enough sense to pull back when I started to get really disappointed with the show. I did it with X-Files, and that was my all time favorite show until I started watching Supernatural. I didn't, hoping it would turn around some day but *shakes head*

I was getting the same way with Smallville, but after my SG-1 experiences, I had enough time to pull away and not get too deep into the ridiculousness. Talk about a show that was so hit or miss it was painful...

I know your experience is different. And that's fine. But the end of the series was so different from the rest, that they should have just made it a spin off and gotten more fresh talent involved. By dragging it out, too any of its problems finally caught up with it :(

[autumndandelion.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday!

[moonshayde.livejournal.com]

Thanks!