Veni, Vedi, Squeedi

So so close to finishing this fanfic I've worked on forever. So close I can taste it.

Knowing me, a bunch of surprise scenes will hit at the end. Gah.

Almost at the end. Almost.

Old notebooks!

Purging today.Found one with Hebrew in it, back when I was trying to learn the language. That brought back some bad memories of professors who were cruel and arrogant so...gone! I'll try to learn the language another time.

Next I've found a writing notebook. SG-1! Ha, these are drafts of old stories. I bet I'll find SPN next...

And my whine for the day:

Why must writing be so lonely? Why, why, why, WHY?

*pouts*

So, apparently, I find I am most productive early in the morning. World, what have you done to me? I remember a time when I was most productive during the ungodly hours of night. Like, late night. Times, how they change.

So if I am going to make the most of my days, I need to make sure I get as much as possible done early. This also means I probably should be exercising early, too.

One of the items on my checklist for today is my blog. I have a blog for my writer self, one that has been neglected as of late, because I am often at a loss for what to say. I've only had a few stories published by some small presses and anthologies, so I feel reluctant to post on writing tips and strategies. Not too many people listen to an author no one has heard of.

I'm not selling myself short. I'm proud of what I have done so far despite all the stress factors in my life. And I am determined to keep working and become published with the large NY presses. It might take a while, but it'll happen someday. On the flip side, gategrrl gave me some really great ideas about what to post that I might actually enjoy. I'm hoping to do that starting this week.

Part of the whole problem with blogging and having a social media presence as writer trying to break into the larger world of publishing is lack of following or lack of support. Meaning, if you're not in with a group of writers or industry people it makes it harder to do blog tours, cross-posting, etc. If no one knows who you are, then it's harder to have a blog presence. I know some writer people drag their fandom friends/fans into their writer life, but I try hard not to do that unless people are truly interested. Seems manipulative to me? Plus, aren't we supposed to be focused on writing and not blogging?

This almost sounds like whining, but it isn't. Just the facts. I'm just a little frustrated with the politics of it all.

Now to get some work done...

I was scrolling through some old posts on my various fandoms.

I miss it :(

Man, was I into fandom or what? Art, fic, discussion, and pure squee. Even then, I wasn't as obsessed and post-happy as others. Do I even do any of that now? I'm so crazy busy.

But man. The Smallville days. Mocking the cwazies. Squeeing over my favorite superhero pairing. Looking to see if each new episode would bring us closer to Superman or make me angry. I learned that there are so many other awesome people out there that love Superman and its mythos like I do.

Then there was SG-1. SO. MUCH. FIC. SG-1 was the fandom where I learned so much. This is where I made my first icons, banners, and wallpaper. I really tested and experimented in my writing and showed it to the world for the first time. I met a lot of fantastic people, and I learned a lot of hard lessons.

And last but not least, Supernatural. Still my fave show. Still excited and squeeful, even if I don't share it very often. (Even to meg_tdj.) While the overall strength and quality of the show is not what it used to be, particularly in the overarching story arcs, antagonists, and consistency, it's still stronger than I'd expect at its age with top-notch acting and interesting hooks. I'm proud to still call it my fave show. I wish some of my other fave shows had been this strong and enjoyable when they were in Season 8. I've never been as active in fandom, though, likely due to my past experiences in prior fandoms and because I'm in a different place in my life. Still, I miss the squee and the chat and the fun of being immersed in fandom just the same.

I think sometimes about my other interests, too. How I would love to get more invested in Dark Angel as the fandom is more fun than the show itself. I miss X-Files something fierce, and I think back how it used to be my fave TV show ever, until SPN came along. How fun it was to play with Lost theories and pray my fave characters wouldn't die. Then, of course, Star Wars, which will always have a special place in my heart as I was obsessed with it for so long before it was tainted by some bad experiences and the prequels, which I did not enjoy as much. We'll see what the future holds.

I do miss it all and wish I could reclaim it, if not just a little bit. Maybe I can win that part of me back somehow and adapt it to the person I am now.

Just my random thoughts. What about the rest of you?

I have seen the promo. I am ridiculously excited for the episode of Supernatural on Wednesday. That is all.

I have obviously not signed into LJ in awhile because what the heck happened? I hate change!

Coming up soon...a year in review of sorts.

I'm off-centered in all areas of my life right now, but I've been desperately trying to get a handle on the writing area. I haven't published anything in a while, and I feel like my momentum and motivation are dying.

I'm trying to start fresh. See, I write best when I am in a creative environment. Makes sense right? I wrote so much fanfic back in the day because I was immersed in fandom. With my original stuff, I have been networking and meeting with creative people to help feed the creative juices and because I like to be near creative people.

The place I was going for my writing fix is not working, so I had to say goodbye. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I think it was the right decision. I have my close friends who, whether they write or not, are always there by my side. Maybe I don't tap into that resource enough because I'm afraid I'll be a pain. It's a fine line. But that's not the problem. This place was supposed to be welcoming to all writers and in the end, I felt as alone as when I started. It's been stifling my creativity--among other things--and if I want to move forward, I have surround myself with people and places that are conductive to my creativity and feeling good about myself. Drama and cliques are not it.

I'd thought of starting my own writing circle, either online or local, but that never works out. I don't have the time or focus to run a comm. (Been there, done that.) There was no local interest. Tried that already. Plus, trust in inherent in the system and that's very difficult to build.

So I am back to square one. Not necessarily a bad place to be. It's all about reframing myself and getting back on track.

It's official. The website is completely dismantled now. Any fic that can't be found here or elsewhere on the web, just contact me and I'll see if I still have it. I'm sure there are deadlinks on LJ. I will get to those when I can. I believe this mainly impacts my SG-1 fic, but there might be other stuff missing as well.

Thanks to everyone who supported my fansite by visiting it all these years. I know it hasn't worked properly in ages. It was time to finally just take the whole thing down. I still have some fanfic to finish here on my LJ-which I have been saying for like 2 years now and it hasn't happened yet, but that is what happened when real life gets hectic--and some art, so LJ will serve those needs. As for as websites go, I really need to be focusing on my site for my published works.

If I can get my act together soon, I hope to be posting again. I hope all is well with everyone and take care.

Yeah, it's official. I have just about reached levels of SPN obsession that I had back during S3. This show has been my favorite for a looong time, but man that finale just kicked me right back into the falling-in-love stage all over again.

Into Season 8, no less.

AWESOME.

*flails*

Advance apologies for those who don't want the show or who aren't into it quite as strongly anymore. I foresee an SPN squee-filled summer on my LJ.